Ottawa, May 4, 2016 – Decorated fighter pilot and certified Jedi instructor Luke Skywalker will testify before a Senate committee Wednesday about Bill S-3P0, which aims to revolutionize the telecommunications and social media industries.

Alighting on the lawn of Parliament Hill in a state-of-the-art fighter craft, Mr. Skywalker made the trip from a galaxy far far away to give the Special Senate Committee on Galactic Innovation the benefits of his considerable expertise in the use of a new communications network known simply as the Force.

Bill S-3P0 — an Act to Modernize Parliamentary Communications — is the first step in creating a national network of consciousness-to-consciousness connections based on a newfound understanding of microscopic entities called midichlorians. [1]

Mr. Skywalker is expected to provide technical specifications about the audio and video quality of Force-driven communications.

“Eager for his expertise this committee is,” committee Chair Senator Terry Mercer said.

He urged his fellow parliamentarians to pass the bill quickly.

“Do or do not,” Senator Mercer said. “There is no try.”

The proposal to link parliamentary staff via a Force network was originally tabled in the House of Commons as Bill C-3P0; committee Co-Chair Senator Leo Housakos suggested to Force proponent General Leia Organa that the Senate take the lead instead.

“[MPs] are not the droids you’re looking for,” Senator Housakos told the general, adding that Senate committees work fairly, efficiently and thoroughly.

Independent Senator and committee Co-Chair Chantal Petitclerc was pleased by the turn of events.

”Everything has happened as I have foreseen,” Senator Petitclerc said.

Gen. Organa, who had previously testified before the committee, said Force communications are considerably more reliable than other available telecommunications technology. She emphatically declared she would not use any other means of communication.

“I’d rather kiss a Wookiee,” she said.

Gen. Organa’s partner, self-employed entrepreneur Han Solo, was also on hand to support the bill. He believes it will be passed.

“I’ve got a good feeling about this,” Mr. Solo said.

A media availability with Mr. Skywalker is to take place after he testifies; his executive assistant R2-D2 will lend him a hand if required.

The proceedings will be broadcast locally on ParlVU and intergalactically via the BB-8 droid system.

Quick Facts

• Bill S-3P0 was referred to the Special Committee on Galactic Innovation after passing second reading. Once the committee has studied it and given its recommendations, it will go back to the Senate chamber for a third and final reading.
• Upon its passage in the Senate, the bill will have to go through the House of Commons. There, it will also go through three readings and be studied by a Commons committee. Only then will it be able to receive Royal Assent.
• A Force app called Kenobi will eliminate the need for emojis and allow users to store and search their feelings.

Quotes

“Help me Special Senate Committee on Galactic Innovation, you’re our only hope for a sound, sensible, national communication and social media platform.”

 -General Leia Organa, committee witness

“MMMMMRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAHH! Mrrrra … [mrraa mrrra] MMMMMMMRRRRAAAAAH.”

- Chewbacca, no last name given, committee witness

Associated Links

Learn more about Senate committees

Discover more about the Senate

For more information, please contact:

Marcy Galipeau
Intergalactic Liaison Officer
Senate of Canada
sencom@sen.parl.gc.ca

[1] Some scientists insist that Force is better understood as an energy field that binds the galaxy together.